Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
