all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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