Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
