im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
