I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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