he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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