on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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