We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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