YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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