I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
