Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
