the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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