i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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