The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
