I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
