You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
