White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
