We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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