I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
either way he was missing a nipple.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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