____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
