So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
