My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
