Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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