I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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