Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
