Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I wear drunk well.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
