Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
