May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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