Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
