I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
