you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
