Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
