Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
