Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
