Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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