I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I want to have your abortion
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
