i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
