There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
