just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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