If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
