How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
