Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
