I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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