Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm at about main and main street
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
