In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
