I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
