lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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