i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
