forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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