yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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